Archive for July 2nd, 2009
Life can get very crowded over time and then one day our relationship seems to be one of unfamiliarity. Kids, work, home based business, school, friends all can become a wedge between you and your spouse if not handled with care. Making your marriage a happy one takes a calculated effort on the part of both people. Plan ahead before the waters get rocky. Get your calendar out and plan around your kids schedule. Make your hours for your home based business work for your relationship, not against it. Remember, when your kids are gone and you have retired from your business it will be just you and your spouse. Make that a time to look forward to, not dread. Below are some tips that could help:
1. Point out the positive. Often the good in your marriage can get lost in the details of daily living. “Think of your marriage as having three parts–yourself, your spouse and your relationship,” says Mike Radcliffe, licensed clinical social worker with Upper Rogue Counseling Center in Eagle Point, “and think of something positive about each aspect of the marriage every day.”
2. Face the negative. Even the smoothest of relationships will have areas where spouses cannot agree. With the best of intentions, these areas will often be ignored. But Radcliffe points out that these issues accumulate over time. “This year it’s money, next year it’s something else — within five to 10 years there is a significant part of your life that you are not sharing.” An argument in itself does not necessarily hurt a marriage. But hurt needs to be repaired for the relationship to flourish, say Overstreet and Massy. It may not be easy but it’s crucial. “It takes two partners who are willing to negotiate, compromise, take responsibility for and commit to the betterment of the relationship to find that balance,” says Overstreet.
3. Make a habit of connecting. “In a healthy marriage, couples build rituals of connection,” says Overstreet. “For example, Friday night date night or hugging before and after work or writing notes to one another. This helps build emotional intimacy, which is vital to a strong and healthy relationship.” And it’s important to make these times a priority. “It is so important not to wait until the children are grown to nurture your relationship with your partner,” adds Massey.
4. Invest in each other. Radcliffe recalls a speaker once saying, “Each person in a relationship needs to take 100 percent responsibility for the relationship.”
5. Don’t wait to find help. “If it starts to feel like ’ships that pass in the night’ or ‘roommates,’ do not delay. Seek help,” says Massey. Statistically, few people who divorce seek help for their marriage and often they wait too long.